Life Never Stops “Happening”

06/25/2012

If there is one thing I have learned walking along the spiritual path, it is that life is a never-ending process of unfolding and I get to decide how to participate in the dance.  

Growing up in an anti-religion environment, we believed in God but we never talked about or explored the concept of God.  LIFE was a much more common topic with an the underlying theme of “Life is hard, filled with difficulty, challenge, and unfairness, so get used to it.”  In juxtaposition to this view of the world, we were also taught that with hard work and dedication, we could do whatever we desired.  Continually persevering through time of great adversity led to the development of courage, confidence, and determination.  However, during these times there was a collective attitude of victimhood and an anger towards God.  “Why does God always do this to us?”  “How come these things always happen to us?”  “It’s just not fair.”

In my younger years I always felt a sense of deeper meaning, that while these things were happening, something more powerful was at work.  Entangled in the conditioning of my environment, I did not have the resources or courage to explore this longing to understand.  If I could somehow rise above the physical discomfort of these challenges and be less angry and emotionally “affected,” in my mind that meant the risk losing my family.  Surely they would interpret my response as a lack of concern or caring, and I would lose their love.  Was this really true?  Maybe, maybe not.  The only thing that mattered was I BELIEVED this to be true.   

Then came my twenties, out of college and on my own in the world.  A newfound sense of independence led to feelings of freedom to expand and grow.  This was empowering, and proved space in the quest for knowledge.  

In full disclosure, the desire to explore the spiritual path stemmed from desperation.  I was searching for a greater meaning and understanding of self.  Most pressing was the dire need to break free of conditioning and tame my ADHD monkey-mind.  There had to be a way to change the adopted and developed destructive thought patterns that were wreaking havoc on my body and in my life.  Thus began the search….  

Thankfully the search has morphed into a practice, or practices to be correct.  When I began to walk this path, and for many years along the way, I had a very romanticized idea of what it looked like and where it would lead.  My mind created a Hollywood movie that if I stayed dedicated to the practices, implemented the tools and put the teachings to work, one day I would arrive at a blissful state of existence free of all negativity.  I bought into a self-created fantasy that suddenly all challenges and obstacles would cease to exist, I would be “fixed,” and life would be easy and perfect. 

The more I continue on this journey, I realize that challenges and obstacles never cease to exist.  As long as we are having a human experience, inner and outer conflicts arise and we face uncomfortable situations.  What has changed is my ability to navigate these experiences, realizing I have the power of choice in how to be “affected.”  Do I become emotionally consumed and play victim, or do I consciously deal with the situation and use it as an opportunity for growth?  The empowering aspect is I get to decide.

As the clouds become thinner in the dance of perception and reality, my part in the process clarifies.  Direct involvement in any situation provides an opportunity to take responsibility for my actions and realize my own influence in the outcome.  It is also an exercise in letting go of control when I have a desired outcome.  As far as the things “happening” around me that I have no influence but affects those I love, I can be of support and show up for them, realizing that it is not my responsibility to take on their situation.  In reality, I am a better friend/sister/daughter without entangling myself emotionally and attempting to influence their decisions.  Such is the learning, and it only continues as new opportunities replaying the same circumstances arrive and give us another playing field to grow and see clearly where there is room for improvement.  

What I know is this: Life never stops happening.  This is out of our control.  What I can control is my own internal experience which regulates my ability to navigate the process.  We are all a work in progress.